The Story of Krisbee and Marissa:

A Relationship Unknown to its' Participants

Okay, here is the story that everyone loves; the story of my relationship with Marissa. Names have not been changed to protect the innocent or guilty.

Several years ago I was working at a regional cable news network which is where I first met Marissa. At first we didn't really talk to each other, but eventually our schedules started to coincide with one another, and we spent more time with each other in a strictly professional sense. A point to note is that our work required us to be external to the main office everyday, covering news stories throughout the surrounding areas.

During this time, I was dating a girl I had met in college named Sheila, who was three years my junior. She was still in school while I was in the professional world. We would see each other two or three times a week, talk on the phone for hours a night, and she would spend weekends with me often. We were in love with each other. Marissa, during this same time was dating a guy named Pete, and she seemed happy with him as well.

Since we were both in relationships with other people, we started off being just friends. We would talk, joke around... nothing out of the ordinary. I noticed that I would kind of be anticipating when she would come in, like a schoolboy with a crush. I wondered if I was that starved for friendship at work. We wouldn't contact each other during non-business time. However, when we were at work we would be in contact with each other often during our time there; talking on the radios, or in the lounge, or in the office.

My relationship with Sheila was going quite nicely; we had our future planned out. First, she would graduate. Next, she would find a job. Lastly, we would move in together. We planned on getting married in the future after a few years of living together. I was happy.

Her boyfriend, Pete, had just proposed to Marissa. She had set the date; she was going full steam ahead.

During the planning of her wedding, and my waiting for Sheila to move on to the next step in our plan, Marissa and I hung out a few times after hours. We went to the movies, or went to a restaurant with a bunch of people. There was never talk of an attraction or anything along those lines. I did find myself thinking how cute she was, and if we had met under different circumstances, she'd be the kind of girl I would date.

It was cool being around Marissa; I could talk to her openly, graphically, without care if I would offend, or gross out, or whatever. With my girlfriend, I felt at some points I would have to be on good behavior or censor some things. It's hard to describe the difference because I was open with Sheila as well, but there were subtle things I would do differently, and I would have to act in a restricted manner.

Marissa and I would try to coordinate our dinners together at work when we could, which would be about twice a week. We would watch South Park together on a regular basis. We joked around all the time, and at this point she revealed that she had a fetish; she liked to crack toes. It was something she picked up from her Grandma, so I "dared" her to crack mine, which she did. She would go on to crack my toes almost every time we met at some point, which I enjoyed because I like my toes cracked.

The more time I spent around Marissa, the more I would try to convince myself that I wasn't attracted to her. She was engaged to be married, I was in love with Sheila; this was just a "What-if?" crush. I would have fantasies about Marissa, even during sex, which should have been a clue to me that this was beyond a normal infatuation.

The wedding date arrived, and Sheila and I attended the church ceremony. I was hoping that something would go drastically wrong, or she would change her mind. When we talked prior to the wedding, she seemed nonplussed by the entire situation, not hyped up or anything. I had kidded with Marissa that I was going to object to the marriage during the ceremony; my head filled with fantasies from "The Graduate" yelling, "Elaine!" replaced with Marissa's name. The moment never came.

Sheila wanted to leave the reception early; she wanted to see the last episode of "Homicide: Life on the Streets". I said good-bye to Marissa and her new husband. Her husband joked around about why I hadn't proposed, and shouldn't I be getting married? I thought to myself how bad it would be to get into a marriage because you think it is the thing to do and you don't have a feeling about it. Marissa kissed me on the cheek, and I tingled.

Marissa and I would occasionally hang out. We would have dessert breaks at night. We planned our time out so we would get to see each other.

I got to see the new house that she moved into. A bunch of us from the station came over, and she made lasagna. Her husband talked to me for a bit, and at that moment I realized that I didn't like her husband; he seemed like a dick, and not very compatible with Marissa.

Marissa and Pete took my friend Leo and I to Six Flags one day. Pete acted odd, and he seemed to try to play the conversation in such a way that he was in a superior position. It failed. At one point, he took out a bayonet and started picking his toes (he collected guns). After we got off one of the rides, he was ridiculing me to Marissa loud enough so I could hear. Marissa and Leo were tired and didn't want to go on a ride towards the end of the day, so Pete and I decided to go alone. Those 40 minutes waiting in line were an eternity. He told me stories about Marissa not being as smart as him in regards to certain things, how he yelled at her because of something concerning her car. Take note; never complain about your mate to one of her friends. On the ride home, he got cranky and started yelling at her in the car. Leo and I acted like idiots with each other to avoid the situation, to pretend it wasn't going on with us present.

I started getting more frustrated with Sheila; she seemed not to be moving forward as I would have after graduating college. I noticed little things here and there that weren't right. She was gone for a month (maybe two?) doing some theater work, and on her first night back she wouldn't visit me. I, deep down, had a problem with that; didn't she need to see me?

I heard more and more stories of Pete and Marissa's difficulties, and I tried to be a comfort to Marissa as best as I could.

New Year's Eve, Marissa and I both had to work. We talked to each other on the phone throughout the night. I found out the next day that when Marissa went home, she caught her husband in a lie about his whereabouts. She left him soon after, and sought a divorce.

I hung out with Marissa as much as I could to help her get over her breakup of her marriage. It seemed to take her mind off of the mess her life had become, plus we enjoyed hanging around each other. She never really wanted to get married, but she felt pressure once the ceremony was all planned; she resigned herself to not being as happy as she could be in life.

When I transferred jobs within the company, Marissa and I were separated by the nature of the position. I was nervous the first night, and I couldn't sleep. I worried if I had made the right decision, wondered what I got myself into, and I desperately tried to talk to Sheila about it. I honestly don't remember if she wasn't around, or just didn't have time to talk to me about it, but I ended up calling Marissa. Marissa soothed me, calmed me down about the situation, and honestly made me feel better. I thanked her, said goodnight to her, and had dirty dreams about her and me together.

Sheila at this time lived a little bit away, so we would basically stick to our routine of seeing each other during the weekends, talking during the week. One day I got sick, and whenever Sheila got sick I would try to come over and help her out. She couldn't find the time for me; however, unexpectedly Marissa came to aid me. She brought cough drops, a coloring book, and other odds and ends.

I never fully cared for Sheila's friends, so during one of her visits to her gang, I hung out with Marissa after work. We stayed up late into the night. She asked to crack my toes. I coyly egged her on that she wouldn't dare crack them while my feet were bare, which she then took the challenge and touched my feet, as she put it, "naked".

Visiting Sheila soon became a bit of a chore, always having to arrange and plan our time together. Sheila and I would have some arguments over normal relationship things... Why didn't you do this, what did you mean by that, don't you want to do this... blah, blah, blah. I thought this was normal in a union that was going on its' fourth year. One night, I just told her that my feelings were jumbled up inside. I hugged her goodbye and felt as if I was hugging nothingness.

Marissa came to try to get my mind off of my problems with my love life; didn't she know that I was confused about her? Why couldn't I be with Marissa, who I don't have to work at being around, who I am at ease with? I never discussed my infatuation with her, or how I longed to be with her. But Sheila didn't do anything wrong, how could I not be with her, all of our plans involved us together. I knew my feelings for Marissa must be just me grasping at something steady during this bumpy storm. I was in turmoil. Would I be giving up something great for something awful if I pursued Marissa? What if Marissa wasn't interested in me?

Marissa and I were at my home, watching TV late into the night. At one point, we were just staring at each other, and I knew right then how we both felt. I knew that I wasn't being fair to the three of us going on with this charade. I asked Marissa what should I do... and without ever saying anything specifically, she said she would be here regardless of my decision. But, if I should leave Sheila, it should because I don't want to be with her anymore, whether I had another relationship in the midst or not. My heart burst with passion and dread.

I broke off my relationship with Sheila, which didn't go over well at all. I honestly blocked off most of the bad memories, but I do know that I wouldn't eat for weeks, had long sustained periods of me crying, I remember me receiving a suicide call and me calling the police, nasty letters sent to me full of spite and rage. It was the first time for Sheila to have a love lost, and her heart to be broken. I felt devastated that I was the one to do that to her. I still cared for her deeply, but knew in my heart that it was the right thing to do.

Back Home